Is It Normal to Hate My Partner After Having a Baby?

I'm going to let you in on a secret, something that most people don't talk about.

It is totally normal to look at your partner, while snuggling your newborn, and wondering how you ever ended up in this mess.

There are countless studies to support the finding that relationship satisfaction to take a steep nosedive after having a child. While you may expect that this is an experience that will bring to the two of you closer together, it can feel like the exact opposite.

This can be incredibly distressing especially since it's not something you planned for. You called the midwife before the pee dried on the pregnancy test, picked out the UppaBaby when you weren't even showing,  registered for the latest ergonomically correct baby carrier.

You did not plan for the seething rage that you felt as your partner snored softly as you got up for the billionth time in the middle of the night.

So consider this your post-baby gift: you are not a terrible person for feeling less than warm and fuzzy towards your partner.

Everything has changed.  

You are exhausted. Your partner is exhausted. Neither of you is at your best.

You are also both adjusting to a new role transition (even if it's not your first child, you are now adjusting to parenting an additional person!). You may both have had totally different expectations about how this whole baby thing would work. 

This is not exactly a recipe for romance.

Do what do you do when you're feeling less than amorous towards your honey? First of all, cut yourself some slack and know that it's normal. Also, cut your partner some slack because they are trying to figure all of this out as well.

Next, talk to each other about these less than ideal feelings. It can definitely be uncomfortable and awkward, but this prevents the resentment to grow in darkness. Acknowledge what is bothering you and what you need from your partner.

Be open to listening to your partner and their experience as well, even if you are feeling defensive about what they have to say.

Know that you are not alone in this experience. Also know that there will be moments where you will be so blissed out with your new family and fall in love all over with your partner.

And then the seething rage will return.

Welcome to the rollercoaster of parenting with your partner.