5 Easy Ways to Shush the "Not Good Enoughs"

Negative Self-talk | Agnes Wainman | London Psychological Services

Negative Self-talk | Agnes Wainman | London Psychological Services

You know that feeling that you're not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not “fill in the blank” enough. It is a terrible feeling. It fills you with shame. It makes you feel like you should be doing more (although you're not sure what you should be doing or when you should do it).

This feeling is fueled by unrealistic expectations. You have an idea of what you are supposed to be based on what you see in the movies and on tv, the magazines you read, the carefully edited Facebook profiles of your friends. These unrealistic expectations are well, unrealistic. No one is the ideal anything because we are human beings and part of our charm is that we kind of make things up as we go along.

This is okay.

There is no protocol on how to be the perfect mom, or the perfect wife, or the perfect career woman. Sure, there are some general guidelines (you probably need to actually show up to keep a job) but there is no mold that you need to squeeze yourself into. You are enough.

Seriously, you are enough.

This can be really hard to accept especially if you have been exposed to judgement and criticism (and seriously, who hasn't) and you have internalized those messages. The voice in your head never fails to tell you that you are not enough.

How to silence the “not enough” thoughts

  1. Notice the thoughts. Thoughts are constantly running through your head that you may not be consciously aware of. You can't change what you're not aware of.

  2. When you notice the “not enough” thought, weigh the evidence for or against that thought. Take the thought to court.

  3. Is your evidence based on reality? Are you comparing yourself to an ideal that only exists in a photo shopped magazine spread?

  4. Show yourself some compassion. You know that kindness you show to everyone else in your life? Do that with yourself.

  5. Accept you for you. Yes, you can set goals for yourself and strive to make changes. That is not a bad thing. However, even without these changes, you are still pretty awesome. You are awesome enough.

Imagine what it would feel like once you shush the not good enough thoughts. Pretty amazing, huh? Know someone who also struggles with the not good enoughs? Feel free to share this post with them. Let's support each other in our enoughness.