Do you feel connected?

If you think back over the last 24 hours, how much of that time was spent feeling truly connected to another human being?  Many of us are severely lacking in true connection despite the constant communication with others (in-person, e-mail, text, Facebook).  How many discussions have you had about superficial topics like the weather with people in the last little while (although I have to admit, with this winter, it’s hard not to talk about!).  We don’t spend a lot of time trying to understand how another person feels or talking about our own experiences. This lack of connection can have a negative impact on our emotional well-being.  As human beings, we are driven to connect with others.  Babies seek attachment and comfort from the moment they are born.   Social support is a strong predictor of good mental health, physical health and even lifespan.  Having positive relationships just feels good.  In the next 24 hours, try to find one person that you can connect with.  Maybe strike up a conversation with another parent in the school yard.  Turn off the TV, and spend some time talking with your partner.  Bond with a co-worker by discussing some of the shared stressors you have.  Connect and recharge your own sense of well-being.

Do you feel loved?

With Valentine’s Day just a few days away, we are bombarded with symbols of love.  Hearts, chocolate, flowers, cupid.  Restaurants are bursting at the seams with diners out for the “most romantic night of the year”.  Romantic songs are on constant rotation on the radio.  You cannot escape from all the LOVE, which can be great if you feel that you’re a full member of the love club.  However, for those who are struggling in a relationship, these can be painful reminders that our own relationships are falling short of the love ideal. We all have different ideas about what it means to love and to be loved.  Often, those ideas may even be very different from your partner’s.  This is where a feeling of disconnect can occur.  For example, imagine Bob and Sue (a fictional couple).  Sue makes Bob a cup of coffee every morning and leaves it for him on the counter.  At some point, Bob stops drinking the coffee (caffeine is making him a bit too jittery!).  Sue stops making the coffee.  One day, Bob confesses that he is hurt that Sue is no longer making him that cup of coffee.   Sue is confused, because Bob didn’t drink the coffee so why should she make it?  Turns out that the simple act of Sue making a cup of coffee for Bob, made Bob feel loved.  He felt thought of, cared about, loved.  It didn’t matter to him that he didn’t drink the coffee, the sight of that coffee cup on the counter every morning was the meaningful part.  Sue had looked at the act in a very practical way, it was not a special ritual in the way Bob had viewed it.  If Bob wasn’t drinking the coffee, why make it?  Now Sue gets it.  That cup of coffee was not about the coffee, it was about loving Bob.  She goes back to making the coffee (decaf, of course!).

So often, our acts of loving are missed, or we miss when we are being loved.  It is like we are trying to speak to our partners in a different language.  We need to start speaking the same language.  For this Valentine’s Day, ask your partner “how can I make you feel loved?”  Tell your partner what you need to feel loved.  You may be surprised at what you discover!

How are you today?

No, really, how are you really doing today?   If you’re like most people, you probably reflexively respond to this question without giving it much thought.  You probably have a canned response such as “fine”, “great”, “busy, but good!”   But when was the last time you thought about how you really are feeling?  When was the last time that you talked about how you are feeling? There are lots of good reasons why we don’t go beyond the standard “fine” response when asked how we are doing.  We may not feel like disclosing our worries to our neighbours, coworkers, families or others.  We may not get the sense that the person doing the asking is really interested in our emotional state.  It might just be easier, and it’s certainly quicker, to respond positively than to address real issues and concerns.  However, taking a moment to think about your emotional well being, acknowledging and talking about how you really are feeling may be more important than it may seem.  Receiving emotional support can prevent more minor stressors from becoming more severe.  It can help us feel more connected to others.  It can just feel good to be real.

So, how are you today?

Busy, busy, busy

A common problem that individuals find themselves struggling with is feeling too busy, too overwhelmed, being stretched too thin.  It seems that once you check one item off the to-do list, five additional items seem to appear out of nowhere!  Between the demands of home, work, school, family, friends, children, activities, it may appear that there is no time to meet your own needs (or actually figure out what your own needs are!)  This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, anxiety and stress. While there are absolutely things that must be done, sometimes we may have a tendency to pile on obligations for ourselves.  This can be due to unrealistic expectations (whether priorities are self-imposed, or from people depending on us), distracting ourselves from other issues or we may feel guilty if we are not busy.  However, taking downtime for ourselves is critical for our well-being.  It can help hold at bay the feeling of being burnt out, it allows accumulated stress to decrease and it can make us more content.  Relaxing and taking a break has its virtues.

Here is a challenge for you.  Take ten minutes today to do something just for you, something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel good.  How did that feel?